The Grief of a Job Loss Nobody Takes Seriously

In Nigeria, when someone dies, the condolence visits pour in. The house is full, people bring food, and everyone acknowledges the weight of what was lost. But when a man loses his job, none of that happens. The house goes quiet.

People offer casual platitudes like, "Don't worry, you'll find another one," or "God’s time is the best." But they don't realize that what is happening inside that man can be indistinguishable from grief. It is a death of sorts—the death of a routine, a provider status, and a sense of self.

Why it hits so deep

For many—men especially—what you do and who you are have become completely intertwined. From a young age, we are asked "What do you want to be?" rather than "Who are you?" When that title is stripped away, the void left behind is terrifying.

Your identity, your standing in your community, your voice in family meetings—all of it feels reshuffled overnight. The loss of a salary is a crisis, but the loss of a "place" in the world is a trauma. It’s hard to look people in the eye when you feel like you no longer have a label that commands respect.

You are not your employment status

I want to say this clearly: your value as a human being is not determined by your current payslip. You were a person of worth before you had that office, and you are a person of worth now that you don't.

Shame is the most expensive thing you can hold onto right now. It will drain your energy more than the job search ever will. It makes you hide, and hiding is where the depression grows.

Processing the loss

Counseling isn't just for "big" tragedies. It can be a vital space to process this specific grief. It’s a place where you don't have to "man up" or pretend you have everything under control. You are allowed to be angry, scared, and uncertain. Admitting that you are hurting isn't a sign of failure—it’s the first step toward rebuilding a self that isn't dependent on a corporate ID card.

Counselling can be a space to process the grief.